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USELESS & FAILURE

Class is about to start and I am still not sure that whether I am eligible to attend or not?
How useless I am? I found out that actually I am nothing different with failure. I can't do things well. I can't do things right. I can't have everything under control.

I wanted to study but somehow I am not that clever so I try my very best but somehow I had disappointed those who have high expectation on me. That is useless.

I wish to go home and somehow I found out that my savings is getting less and less. I do not have sufficient money to even buy myself an air ticket to go home.
I don't even know where had I spend all those money I earn from working and also pocket money I save for my future. I am useless.

I dare not love someone that I thought I should but just because I scared and afraid and last ended up we are not even contacting each other anymore (dare not find him). I am really coward. That is a failure.

I am such a useless and failure person.

How I wish I could be a bit brave and not that coward. No need think so much for others and their feelings instead be a bit selfish. Maybe I will live bit happier that way. But somehow I really can't do it.
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Comments

Jacqie said…
Hey Pei, life is not perfect but you look like a very capable person. And nothing should ever bring you down. You decide on how you want to feel. Don't let the things around you decide for you. Like I always like to say "Life is not perfect, its how you deal with it, that makes it a better place to live in!" Take care alright! It's not the end of the world!
21 May 2008 at 18:08
-pEi- said…
Thanks a lot Jacqie.
thanks for your piece of advise.
Realy encouraging and warm.
I din take it as end of the world but just so disappointed on myself.
21 May 2008 at 21:28
William said…
-pei-
Failure is not the end of everything. you must pick yourself up and make some decisions:
1. Stop calling yourself useless
2. Take charge of your own life
3. Make friends. Get yourself connected.
4. Stop calling yourself coward
5. Refrain from forums and internet chatting. You may not have noticed that you actually spend a lot of time on the computer doing unproductive work.
6. Ask yourself why you couldn't pass. Is the subject very dry? Do you have any interest in the course? If you think you are in the wrong course, be brave enough to change. I have a relative who failed A level completely. I talked to her and found that she has interest in another course. So after pulling some string, I got her into the course. She is now doing very well.

I actually see that you are very good from the English you wrote in the blog.I have staff who are Uni graduate and couldn't write English like you!

It looks like you are being stress out. You have financial problem. If so, you must first learn how to manage your finance. One way is to record all your spending. Don't buy unnecessary thing. Don't keep too much money in your pocket.

I encourage you to get connected with other young people. In my church, we have many young people. I encourage you to join if you are not in any healthy youth group.

I have daughters around your age and I think I know how you feel being away from home. When you are away from home, you depend on trustworthy friends for moral support. You also need older people to guide you. That is how I connect my daughters (while in KL) with my church friends for support when needed. Do give me a PM if you think you need someone older to talk to. I can help you to connect.

Be brave be courageous.
21 May 2008 at 22:49
Anonymous said…
add more confidence.. nth to feel ashame or sad about the failure. its so common in university. cheer up.
25 May 2008 at 22:35
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